undefined;"Friday's Sa&amp;G song:<br><br>Advent of Pain?<br><br>Based on the beginning of Zak's script, up through the point where Payne escapes from being hanged.<br><br>Begins with a rev cymbal, climax to loud, ominous church bell, kick or low timpani, and maybe low bass note. Make use of whistle/ocarina instrument and acoustic or twangy electric guitar.";3/19/10
undefined;"Character Names<br><br>Esmer (Esmerelda)<br>Kutchin<br>The Boast";7/22/10
undefined;"Phrases<br><br>The eyes they summarize.<br><br>Stuck in my dust.<br><br>Phlegmopheliacs still drink phlegmonade.<br><br>Story of a musician who uses self-induced amnesia to keep his new work from reminding him of his old work and other things he's heard before, allowing him to create fresh new music after each time. Each time he prepares a notice that informs him of why and how he lost his memory, and how to do it again when it is time. Eventually he runs into other issues such as with relationships and such. Maybe he tries to add these new things to the notice as well, but eventually learns that he can't bring back emotions and other feelings associated with those memories.";6/19/10
undefined;"Saturday's Sa&amp;G:<br><br>Start off like Ravaged Steel...?<br><br>Use EP<br>";3/21/10
undefined;"Unlock &amp; Load<br><br>Idea for a Pre patch. Hot-spots are created on the unlock screen; drag the unlock icon to one of them to unlock phone and open up the app that corresponds to that hot-spot.<br><br>Similar functionality for dragging the unlock icon over notifications on the bottom.";3/21/10
undefined;"Seven Waves Ideas<br><br>Hardly considering, but perhaps in world of MML? The surface &amp; ocean becomes subterranean because of two volcanoes erupting at the same time on opposite sides of the (battle) planet, and the material which erupts from them has a strange magnetic issue or something that causes it to float in the air rather than slide down the side, and so much is released that it all gathers and forms into a shell of earth high above the surface.<br><br>Character dialogue: 'I didn't want to come here yet...'";3/23/10
undefined;"Days to Ask Off Work<br><br>July 9 &amp;<br>July 10 (Poland team retreat)<br><br>July 22 - Aug 8 (Poland packing party &amp; trip)";5/15/10
undefined;"Brandon Smith is going with a team for missionary work in Poland! The team and he will get to be on staff at a Christian-based arts camp for children, helping to prove that people from outside their country care for them. Admittedly it's strange referring to myself in third person. But hey, now you know who this is coming from!<br><br>After several years of hanging around the church and hearing about these trips, I have come to feel that I need to know what this trip is all about. The truest and simple answer is that missions in Poland or anywhere else are about God. From what I understand, however, learning first-hand is an invaluable experience - moreso than anyone can gauge until they've done it themselves. As others have pointed out to me, visiting another country for the Lord's purpose can change you, and can do so just as much or more than it changes those whose lives you will help and change through it. I don't understand why, and I'm not completely comfortable with the idea yet, but the Lord wants me somewhere else, and so I will go. I can't do it alone though, nor should I try to!<br><br>I need money to make it to Poland, and it might be you that I need it from! To be exact: I, as well as each of the other team members, must raise $1,950 to buy tickets. Because I plan to stay for both weeks that are available to us, I personally will need another $250. While it's true that I am probably unable to come up with all of this money on my own, there's a greater reason why the team and I need help from others. Simply put: we need to go without expectations. When we use our own money to get ourselves places, it's hard to shake the feeling that we deserve whatever we expected, because we paid for the trip with those expectations in mind. We can't afford to be that way when God has other plans though, and the best way to go on missions for everyone but ourselves is to be supported in majority by others, and not by ourselves. If you think you might want to help me or the rest of the team out, read on!<br>More than money, I need you to pray for the team. It is no small feat for each of those in the team to raise this amount of money in so short a time, but there are a lot of other obstacles that could stand in our way. We all need your prayers to overcome some of these issues: to go for Him where we may not be comfortable, and to help us drop control of our lives and actions and to put that control in the Lord's hands.<br>The team and I leave for Poland on July 23rd, 2010, and as mentioned before, I will be staying each of the two weeks that people from our team will be there (there are also separate trips for each week). Optimally, I need to raise the total amount of $2,200 by June 1st, and as you can likely tell I'm a little late in getting this message out!<br><br>There is no minimum donation, so don't think that what you have to give isn't good enough. If you want to give anything at all toward the total, one cent closer is better than nothing at all! =) <br><br>Please know that if I come to acquire any excess money from fundraising, I will immediately use it to help others on the team meet their goal of $1,950 so that they might be able to go without that extra 'mental baggage.'<br><br>Thank you so much for your time in reading this, and I appreciate deeply anything that you have to offer, whether it be the gift of your prayers, or of your money to help get us to Poland. I've noticed that those who do give for these kinds of things want to know exactly what purpose their money is being used for. My facebook page has been closed for over eight months now... Because of this trip, and since facebook has become such a nation- (and world-) wide resolution for social networking, I have opened it again solely for the purpose of posting pictures and stories of things me and the rest of the Poland team do - both before, during, and maybe even after the trip. I promise to try to keep you updated, and will also post status updates to let everyone know how the fundraising is coming along!<br><br>If you'd like more information about the trip and the people who are involved, feel free to e-mail or message me for more details!<br><br><br>--Related Information--<br><br>Brandon's home address:<br>12701 Century St.<br>Overland Park, KS<br>66213<br><br>Cedar Ridge Christian Church's Poland Mission 2010 website:<br><a class='autolink' href='http://crcc-polandmission2010.yolasite.com'>http://crcc-polandmission2010.yolasite.com</a><br><br>Cedar Ridge Christian Church's home website:<br><a class='autolink' href='http://www.cedarridge.cc'>www.cedarridge.cc</a>";5/16/10
undefined;"Unaffordable Wish List<br>---------------------------<br><br>- Keytar (latest Roland AX Model; 7?)<br>- Stereo portable recorder<br>- Vespa (orange, white, &amp; dark gray?)";5/31/10
undefined;"Child Names<br>---------------<br><br>Elysia<br>Zaeka<br><br>";12/30/10
undefined;"Money Owed<br>-----------------<br><br>Mom - $20<br>Dad - $344.31 (Insurance)<br>Poland - $200 (Guths)<br>Poland - $100 (Popop &amp; Nanny)";6/30/10
undefined;"Sediment of Sentiment Lyrics<br><br>Ever falling with no aim<br>Do we bring only sorrow and pain<br>Mingling apart<br>Our family in shards<br>Although we seem far<br>We're close<br>Drifting but never<br>Alone<br>Beneath/under this dark sky<br><br>Don't cover up<br>Open up<br>And we'll be<br>Family<br>One with us<br><br><br>Joke Lyrics<br><br>I don't know where I am now<br>All that I can see are floating cows<br>Isn't this strange<br>I thought things might change<br>But no here I am<br>Once more<br>I wouldn't be surprised<br>If it<br>Began to pour<br><br>Beg of you clouds<br>Of you storm<br>Keep me warm<br>In your midst<br>In your rain";6/30/10
undefined;"Idea Box<br><br>The yellow &amp; white lines on the road as lizard tongues. One is superior.<br><br>Fire station.<br>'The dust (in here) is all stirred up (in here).'<br>Feather duster boss in the garage with hoses sprawling out from inside the mass of feathers<br><br>'its eternal beauty is staggering...' what? I can't hear you but I know what you're saying. IT'S RAINING HEAVILY. 'I am forced under a spell of silence while the tears descend, and for the same reason can I not leave this place'<br><br>One who can't speak while it rains<br><br>A giant tower made of lamps and chandeliers<br><br>Guardian angel(s)<br><br>When designing interior and other areas in games, add things to give more character such as the model train set in FF8's Galbadia Hotel<br><br>A large stadium. Parking lot wraps around the outside in a spiral shape. Inner edge of parking lot is two-way walkscalators with normal walking paths on edges, all covered by a glass archway; signs with directions to main entrance, etc.<br><br>Ultimate Gift Box Set<br>Hard, padded thin square about the size of upper body height. Zips open in half; has a shoulder strap.<br>First time opened, became a bench that you could hang on your shoulder via shoulder strap for other people to sit on. Came with a back coushin in a fron-when-closed pocket to place over two large speakers in the back of the bench. I primarily used it to play music as we walked.<br>Second time opened was when I recognized it as 'ultimate gift box set.' Came with multiple 'pages' of fine jewels and precious stones, some cut into chess pieces or other figures. A page of fine chocolates, a page of small snap-on fabric slits that consist of two halves of a joke on each pair -- their shape is how you know they are paired together (rectangle and diamond were in dream). Finally, on the far left side were pages of mini DVDs (and maybe CDs?) cut to fit the size of a business card, in plastic sleeves. They were presumably part of some brand-name movie-playing system. I mainly recall seeing movies starring Nicholas Cage, such as Gone In 60 Seconds. It was a huge library though -- hadn't heard of a lot of them. Never saw a screen, but one could assume it was near the large stereo speakers.<br><br>Gazin' at the<br>Back of my sunbathed eyelids<br>Layin' on an island<br><br>What else<br>Could this be<br>But MINECRAFT?!<br>/<br>Who would<br>Think that I<br>Was MININ'?!<br><br><br>Why do we fear being indebted to our loved ones, sometimes to the extent that their free will to help us brings out frustration or even anger in ourselves? Is it not imbued in the meaning of love, to aid with no expectation of condolence, and to owe no condolences to our loved ones who help us? In love, no debts are ever formed, for all want is instantly satiated by love in itself. In our world love means the inevitable eventuality of pain, but love is also the very cure.<br><br><div>Future</div><div>Landmark<br>No. 1<br>Fork<br>Echo<br>Tenohira<br>List<br><br>Luke 12:22<br><br>Songnames: komorebi (sunlight filtering through trees)</div>";1/12/11
undefined;"Life Goals<br>------------<br><br>+ become a person everyone thinks of as dependable<br>+ when tempted to be angry with or to punish yourself, instead focus that energy on changing how you act or think so that it won't happen the same way again<br>+ when you wake up in the morning, immediately think 'what do I want to do right now?' and do it. going to sleep again = not an option!!<br><br>Einstein Bros - Part time catering driver<br>5224108<br><br><a class='autolink' href='http://Www.jobsatradioshack.com'>Www.jobsatradioshack.com</a><br><br><br>Interiew: Einstein Bros. at 1:00 Thursday<br>Manager: Dave";8/23/10
undefined;"Useful Polish<br>---------------<br><br>I will be :: hędę<br>What? :: co<br>Please OR you're welcome :: prosze<br>And :: i / a<br>Or :: albo/lub<br>For :: za / dla<br>In :: za<br>That :: to<br>About ::&nbsp;o (of/for/concerning) / około (near/alike)<br>Your :: twój/a<br>You :: Cie / Ty / ...<br><div>I'm trying :: próbuję</div><div>Learn :: uczyć się<br>When :: kiedy<br>Where :: gdzie<br>Who :: kim<br>Which/whom :: który<br>Love :: miłos(h)ć (v. kochać)<br>Game :: gra<br>Be careful :: ostrożnie<br>Loud :: głos(h)ny<br>Lovely :: s(h)liczny<br>Wise :: ma(n)dry<br>Until :: aż do<br>Here :: tutaj<br>There :: tam<br>Person :: osoba<br>Strange :: dziwny<br>Unusual :: niezwykły<br>Phone :: telefon<br>'' number :: numer telefonu<br>But :: ale<br>Really? :: serio (don't believe) / naprawde (like it)<br>Small :: mały<br>Big/Large :: duży<br>Stars :: gviazdy&nbsp;<br>I love :: ja kocham<br>Mother :: mama<br>Eyes :: oczy<br>Lips :: usta<br>Nose :: nos<br>Hair :: vłosy<br>Hand :: rence<br>Glasses :: okulary<br>Fingers :: palace (skip mid a) / palushki (cute, kid version)<br>Eyebrows :: brwi<br>Tree :: drzevo<br>Leaf :: liscie<br>Camera :: aparat<br>Beautiful :: piękny / piękna (male/female) (only use as wow-type exclamation)<br>Amazing :: niesamowity / zdumiewajacy (latter = in awe, takes time to understand)<br>Wonderful :: cudowny<br>Better :: lepszy<br>Best :: najleszy<br>Happy :: szczęslivy (second s has accent)<br>Question :: pytanie<br>I have :: mam<br>Sea :: morze<br>I go :: idę<br>I will go :: pujde<br>Fun :: zabawa<br>Funny :: zabawny<br>To write :: pisac<br>Quiet :: cichy<br>Disgusting :: obrzydliwy<br>Why :: dlaczego<br>Great :: wspaniale<br>Difference :: róznica<br>Piano :: pianino<br>I agree :: skadzamsie<br>I promise :: obiecuję<br>We can :: możemy<br>North/Midnight :: północ<br>South/Noon :: południe<br>East/Dawn :: wschód<br>West/Dusk :: zachód<br>So :: więc / skoro (first is for 'that is SO cool,' second is casual conversation)<br>Something :: zycie<br>Sucks :: ssie<br>Starving :: wygłodniały<br>To love (non-personal) :: uwielbiaç<br>Rain :: deszcz<br>Maybe :: może<br>MayBE (more common) :: może&nbsp;być<br>Informal hello+bye :: czesć / hej<br>Probably/maybe :: chyba<br>Unless/provided that :: chyba że<br>Just/exactly :: włas(h)nie<br>Listen :: słuhaj<br>Because :: ponieważ / dlatego że / gdyż<br>Already :: już<br>I guess :: zgaduję<br>Remember :: pamiętać<br>Sometimes :: czasami<br>Airport(s) :: lotniska<br>I'm sure/certain :: pewien (pewny)<br>Probably/possibly/presumably :: przypuszczalnie<br>Sleep :: sen (spałam too?)<br>Sleepy :: snu<br>Excellent/perfect/beautiful/boss ::&nbsp;świetny<br>I'm dying :: umrzę<br>Download :: pobranie<br>Hat :: kapelusz<br>Buttons (on a phone, etc.) :: przyciski<br>Sweet :: słodki<br>Sour :: kwas(h)ny<br>Spicy :: ostry<br>Salty :: słony<br>Meat :: mięso<br>Vegetable :: warzywo<br>Fruit :: owoc<br>Late night snack :: podwieczorek<br>Ready :: godowy<br>Fog :: mgła<br>Delicious :: pyszne<br>Precisely/exactly :: właśnie<br>Liar :: kłamca<br>Peace :: pokoju</div><div>Always/Forever :: zawsze<br>Disappointed :: roszczelevanie (sp?)<br>Drinks :: napoje<br>Soup :: zupy<br>'Sweety' (noun) :: słodziak<br>To flee :: uciekać<br>Hello (simple) :: witam<br>Taste/style/liking :: gust (e.g. In music)<br><br><br>How do you say in Polish... :: jak sie mówi po polsku...<br>What does this word mean? :: co oznacza to słowo?<br>I don't understand :: nie rozumiem<br>Not at all :: wcale nie<br>Not (all) bad :: całkiem nieźle<br>My name is :: mamna imie<br>What's your name :: jak masz na imie<br>Enjoy your food :: smachnego<br>Good day :: dzień dobry<br>Day+ goodbye :: do widezenia<br>Shorter time '' :: do zabaczenia<br>How are you? (informal) :: jak się masz<br>I am well :: mam&nbsp;się dobrze<br>That's not true :: to nie prawda<br>What's that? :: co to jest?<br>What should I do? :: co mam zrobić?<br>What did he say? :: co on powiedział?<br>He/she said ... :: powiedział ...<br>Could you say that again? :: proszę powtórzyć<br>Bless you / cheers (lit. Good health) :: na zdrowia<br>Pardon?/Can I help you?/Hello :: słucham?<br>What's happening? :: co słychać?<br>Good/lovely meal :: doskonały (exclamation)<br>Good luck :: powodzenia<br>Walk here :: chadz tutaj<br>Immediately impressed :: zaraz wra<br>Be right back :: za chwilę będę<br>Next time :: następnym razem<br>He/she is called ... :: on/ona nazywa się<br>What (has) happened? :: Co się stało?<br>No problem :: nie ma problemu<br>It's nothing :: nie ma za co<br>There isn't (any?) :: nie ma<br>Good idea :: dobry pomysł<br>False alarm :: falszyvy alarm<br>Me too :: ja też<br>I like you :: lubie Cię<br>Nevermind :: nievażne<br>It's a pity :: jaka szkoda<br>What's wrong? :: co tu się dzieje?<br>Are you feeling better? :: czy się już lepiej czujesz?<br>What time is it? :: która godzina<br>I'll do it :: zrobié to<br>Good job :: dobry praca<br>Because I said so :: bo tak<br>Shut up :: cicho ba(n)dź<br>Chewbacca in the distance! :: chewbacca w oddali<br>Nice to meet you :: bardzo mi miło<br>What's the difference :: jaka jest róznica?<br>How old are you? :: ile masz lat<br>By myself :: sam(a)<br>I want to be alone ::&nbsp;Chcę będę sam<br>Not much (quantity) :: nie dużo<br>Not much (what's up, how'd you like it, etc.) :: nie bardzo<br>If you want :: jak chcesz<br>I'll do my best :: zrobię co w mojej mocy<br>(bye) for now :: na razie / pa (latter is informal)<br>I'm glad/happy :: ciesze się<br>Until tomorrow :: do jutra<br>Then (as in 'ok then') :: wtedy<br>What are you doing/saying :: no co ty?<br>Once/at one time/some day :: kiedys(h)<br>What's up? :: co tam<br>I don't care! :: co mi tam<br>Thus far :: dotychczas<br>No offense (lit. Without offense) :: bez obrazy<br>If you say so :: skoro tak mówisz<br>Why (so what?) :: czemu<br>_&nbsp;is not an object (doesn't matter) :: _ nie ma zwia(n)zku ze sprawa(n) (lit. '_ has no connection to the subject')<br>It's all good/alright :: wszystko w porza(n)dku<br>So you know :: tak wiesz<br>Sweet dreams :: Słodkich snów<br>Pure craziness/mass confusion :: Po prostu szaleństwo<br>Speak clearly :: mówisz wyraźnie<br>I know what I want to know :: Wiem co chcę wiem<br>Isn't that ... :: czy to nie ...<br>So what, :: no to co,<br>Like me :: tak jak ja<br>I beg you :: proszę Cię<br><br><br><br><br>You don't need to be prepared to be saved/baptized; that's the point! Your life is in disarray, and you need the Lord's help to recover.<br>To know him is to want to know him more. Don't allow yourself to settle into a position where you know everything about the things and people around you.<br>Every day with the Lord is sweeter than the day before.<br>The Lord may be developing your servant's heart until you are ready to use fortune/wealth properly. -Anne (e) (breakfast)<br>I can not do anything right on my own, only God can do right through me.<br>Not meant to be lived in observation mode. -Allyson<br>Archipelago eskilopes!<br>Arkypelago eskylops!<br><br>Tiersen (composer)<br>Jennifer Knapp<br>Sunset (to?) Sunrise - Fiddler on the Roof<br>Vincent Price - Theatre of Blood, benny Abominable Dr. Fibes<br>Zombieland<br>I Am Sam<br>The Godfather trilogy<br>Brazil<br>Dark City (film noir)<br>Million Dollar Baby<br>Benny&nbsp;and joon&nbsp;<br><br>Róża, Asha, Nida (zielone.<a class='autolink' href='mailto://groszki@gmail.com'>groszki@gmail.com</a> - R) (jem.<a class='autolink' href='mailto://mrozonki@op.pl'>mrozonki@op.pl</a> - A)<br>Kate (Katia)<br>Macyek<br>Adrianna (Ada)<br>Ingard (tall, polish, blonde)<br>Veronika (Veru) (bleached blonde, larger), Basia<br>Ryan (drummer),&nbsp;Alyssa (book type, pianist), Jared (taller, short hair), Mike (fluffy blonde) &nbsp; (all in same group)<br>Sharon<br>Monika, Kunia<br><br><br><br>Ada,<br><br>I've given some thought about what you said, but there's no such thing as a 'bad Christian!' You don't have to call yourself a Christian to love and believe in God, and He always Loves and Believes in you!! I really wish you could have been there for the entire camp, - unfortunately you missed an awesome monologue Keith performed for the drama workshop - but am so glad that you came back for Thursday night and Friday. If you can, please come back next year! Keith has been at Fishart all but one year since the first time he went, and I'm sure you could coordinate your visit with his if you keep in touch with him or I. I definitely will try to be there next year as well, but if neither Keith or I go for some reason, there are always some Americans there that you could brush up on your English with! =)<br><br>Feel free to ask me as many questions about English as you like, I really am pretty good at it hehe. Also, if you get the free time and want to give it a try, start learning a favorite song or two of yours on piano! I am open to lending you some advice on that topic, as well.<br><br>Meeting you almost seems like a dream, since we met in the morning and had to say goodbye that same night, haha. Pretty sure it wasn't, though. I find it hard to believe that you enjoyed hanging out with me, but even if you really did I must thank you. Thanks especially for translating during the service, and for finding me after we left the worship center; I'd have felt terrible if we didn't say a proper goodbye, and I didn't have the courage to go into the Willa and find you. Sorry I couldn't see you off this morning - I really would have preferred to. God bless, and keep in touch! Continue acting, but don't lose sight of the Lord!!<br><br>&nbsp;Aż do następnym razem,<br>~Some guy with a generic, common name =P</div>";3/19/11
undefined;"The Realm<br><br>- Located in a shopping mall.<br>- The door is very inobvious and looks like a staff door. The only thing that gives it away is a piece of paper in the center with a set of instructions.<br>- There is a second door to the left of it with a similar piece of paper. Presumably locked or one-way.<br>- These doors are located near a corner of a short wall.<br>- The realm is a series of maze-like rooms that eventually lead to a final chamber, which is separated by a door or hidden wall or something. These rooms are colorful with lights, mostly red.<br>- Final chamber is quite large; has a deep gap in the center and rails along the edge. From below, fountains jet upward. Perhaps there is a pool of water where the stream comes from. Maybe very dimly-lit red.";8/7/10
undefined;"Minecraft Ideas<br><br>Water grates<br>Floor doors<br>Sinking sand<br>Water breathing enhancement<br>Water mobility '' (iron boots)<br>Wind/sky noises when high up<br>'' when falling, gradually increasing volume<br>Deep earthy hum (like MML) when deep underground<br>Rain, lightning, &amp; thunder<br>Signs that hang from ceilings<br>Magic torches -- blue, same or slightly less light, freezes water, maybe creates snow";9/24/10
undefined;"Dream/Game Insp. by Willow's Song/Doves<br>'Compass(ion) Arc?'<br><br>'Woe is you, whose soul endures so much. For what do you bear the suffering of others?'<br><br>Story of a girl (maybe guy) who takes the souls of the dead into their body, one by one, to know and resolve their suffering. Each soul grants a new 'ability' or 'power.'<br><br>There is an area before each, and a dark, creepy, and/or odd boss to be fought toward the end of each. After each you are lead through a brief dark, gloomy area until you reach a door. The door leads into a pitch black, square room, which may have a very faint gray lighting at certain parts. In this room, the upper figures of creepy masked sillhouettes are lit by candles one by one, each after a boss to represent the soul obtained. They stand in the center, and face the screen. The masks are dark/black but with many primary-colored lines and highlights about the eyes, mouths, and other facial features. Each figure also has uniquely-shaped and characteristic shoulders (just a sillhouette of them), and holds its own candle with both hands cupped beneath, in front of and below where their ribcage would be.<br><br>It is in this room that the above quotation fades in, boundless, letter by letter, but not the first time you reach it. It only comes the second time or later, but the first time there is no more than the candle-lighting animation.";10/3/10
undefined;"Misc. Info<br>------------<br><br>G-ma's WiFi Hotspot Password:<br>09114445851";12/30/10
undefined;"Game System: Key Dream<br><br>The hero must fully remember a short but complicated/hard-to-confront dream from their sleep session in order to unlock the entirety of a longer dream. Think of it kinda like 'boss battles before their respective stages.'";2/24/11
undefined;"Venting<br>---------<br><br>Those kinds of environments always have the same effect on me: they destroy my self-confidence, tear me down and melt me into a helpless, boiling puddle of self-pity and frustration.<br><br>Why is it that being in an environment which makes others so happy completely depresses me? The happiness is suffocating, when expressed like this.<br><br>My wide array of gifts come at the expense of my ability to successfully express myself socially.<br><br>I do it out of pity, because I'll feel bad if I don't. But I know that isn't how it should be. I should be doing it out of joy.<br><br>Why does dancing seem to be universally invocative of happiness (judging by the variety of people in this home/school), yet I can't enjoy... (don't know how to explain) It drives me insane, and I couldn't stand to be a part of it.<br><br>When asked if one is beautiful, think of it in the light of a different kind of beauty. Seriously.<br><br>Feeling like a failure 75% of the time. At least I can serve as a great contrast.<br><br>Confidence dives, as if all the negative energy in the room is displaced into me.<br><br>I'm filled with regret. But you know, I haven't the slightest idea what I could've done better, except to have pointed my thoughts and senses to the Lord. I never did. I don't know why. He wasn't in the music. He wasn't in the people. He surely was both of these things, yet not to the worldly. Have I grown worse? Why, why, why...<br><br><br>I'd think that, with my inability to speak clearly and consistently, and the way writing makes me feel better, lyrics could just flow from my fingers like some kind of emotional concentrate. Yet I can't. Something in me blocks that outlet. Just shuts out all potential. When I do get something out, it usually has nothing to do with my own feelings.<br><br><br>Two days ago, I looked at a Polish purchase receipt and thought, 'Why keep junk like this when I'm going to be back here like five million times in the future?' Yeah, I wasn't 'thinking' when I thought those words to myself. But I guess that's how it's going to be =P. I wonder when that seed got planted in my head?";2/24/11