# PageElements

GOID: {D553A1F8-9174-FC40-195F-E5FD3AB22523}{102}
Text:
All I remember about her is that she introduced me to "pinwheels," a marshmallow confection covered in chocolate.


GOID: {D553A1F8-9174-FC40-195F-E5FD3AB22523}{128}
Text:
Didn't do much together until 8th & 9th grade, when she went by "Dani." She and her friend group - two other girls - visited home a few times unannounced. Pretty sure they did this because one of them, Catherine "Cat" Lim, was interested in me.


GOID: {D553A1F8-9174-FC40-195F-E5FD3AB22523}{139}
Text:
Never crushed, never told anyone. Interest waned over time, but she always seemed like an open, friendly person.


GOID: {D553A1F8-9174-FC40-195F-E5FD3AB22523}{164}
Text:
The only interaction I can recall was in 8th grade. I was becoming more interested in emo and goth styles, and did something which prompted her to ask if I was OK.


GOID: {D553A1F8-9174-FC40-195F-E5FD3AB22523}{239}
Text:
She always was very public about her affection for Wyatt Staffa, an impressive and distinguished guy in our grade. I admired him.


GOID: {DD074FD5-5898-384D-36BD-013570E94F07}{166}
Text:
My first BIG crush. Though it didn't get bad until high school. l cover more in the high school section


GOID: {DD074FD5-5898-384D-36BD-013570E94F07}{85}
Text:
I wasn't very interested as she was taller than me, but I spent time around their friend group occasionally.


GOID: {DD074FD5-5898-384D-36BD-013570E94F07}{89}
Text:
She eventually asked to date me, and I wasn't particularly "disinterested," so I chose to go along with it and said yes.


GOID: {DD074FD5-5898-384D-36BD-013570E94F07}{93}
Text:
Ultimately, I don't think either of us understood what we should do next, so nothing happened and we never really dated or did any couples activities. I think we understood it wouldn't become anything by the time a week had passed.


GOID: {DD074FD5-5898-384D-36BD-013570E94F07}{119}
Text:
One time, she was driving down 127th and saw me sitting on the barrier wall of the golf cart path. She quickly pulled over at the nearby clubhouse and ran all the way over to greet me. She was out of breath when she arrived, and I was shocked to see her.


GOID: {DD074FD5-5898-384D-36BD-013570E94F07}{127}
Text:
I once left home in the middle of the afternoon without telling anyone, and walked all the way to Stef's apartment, which was quite far. I met her dad and we watched some of the 5th Element together. I remember it feeling kind of awkward, like I didn't know what else to say or do.


GOID: {DD074FD5-5898-384D-36BD-013570E94F07}{135}
Text:
When I got back to my neighborhood, I encountered Mom and Brian who were driving around worried and searching for me.


GOID: {DD074FD5-5898-384D-36BD-013570E94F07}{143}
Text:
The last time I saw her was in 9th grade, after the talent show. She had come to the junior high talent show with her boyfriend, and told me she was proud of me for getting on stage and performing.


GOID: {DD074FD5-5898-384D-36BD-013570E94F07}{147}
Text:
Most of the emo/goth group went to North, including Stef. But education dictated that Northwest would be best for me. So I was never around her again.


GOID: {DD074FD5-5898-384D-36BD-013570E94F07}{24}
Text:
She was the first person to warm up to me after I sequestered myself from all my old "friends" whom I had decided weren't for me. She saw me alone at lunch and chose to sit by me.


GOID: {DD074FD5-5898-384D-36BD-013570E94F07}{28}
Text:
We had similar interests. For a long time, I felt like she was really easy to talk to. That feeling was foreign to me at the time


GOID: {DD074FD5-5898-384D-36BD-013570E94F07}{32}
Text:
We formed a music project together: "Day In Reignition." Really only ever created one song, but did some fun experimentation with her on guitar, me singing/piano


GOID: {DD074FD5-5898-384D-36BD-013570E94F07}{63}
Text:
Sometimes we snuck out, met late at night and walked around the block for fun. Nothing "romantic" ever happened. This happened maybe 2-3 times.


GOID: {DD074FD5-5898-384D-36BD-013570E94F07}{42}
Text:
We played in the 9th grade talent show together. She came away from the show so nervous and dissatisfied. I could never understand why


GOID: {DD074FD5-5898-384D-36BD-013570E94F07}{46}
Text:
In late 9th grade, she told me she had just recently been raped outside a nearby park at night. She made me promise not to tell anyone. I felt terrible that I wasn't there for her, and couldn't do anything to help.


GOID: {DD074FD5-5898-384D-36BD-013570E94F07}{50}
Text:
Sometime later, I think she felt that I was interested in her so she chose to tell me that she wasn't interested in men. She was in love with a friend of hers who recently moved away. I was saddened, as I'd hoped we could become closer friends someday. I've always wondered if she changed because of her rape experience.


GOID: {DD074FD5-5898-384D-36BD-013570E94F07}{59}
Text:
One time in high school, I walked to her house at night and left a flower by her car tire. She later acknowledged that she saw it, had nothing else to say.


GOID: {DD074FD5-5898-384D-36BD-013570E94F07}{67}
Text:
We met up again at community college, where her middle school crush and her had met up once again. The 3 of us hung out a few times, but I felt like I was just an awkward 3rd wheel. Emelie was harder to talk to for some reason. She chose to present as more butch than before. I think I didn't know how to interact. My old friend felt like someone else, someone I didn't know.


GOID: {902A9691-F158-274E-3326-9088174D7D4B}{16}
Text:
We had a small friend group in this game, and grew close over text chat. In time we roleplayed intimate couples activities, though never "all the way."


GOID: {902A9691-F158-274E-3326-9088174D7D4B}{12}
Text:
Eventually, we decided we liked each other enough that we chose to share personal info and photos. We happened to be the same age, and one of the people in the online friend group was also Amber's IRL friend Jess. We felt like great friends for the ~2 years we stayed in touch. They were fun to interact with


GOID: {902A9691-F158-274E-3326-9088174D7D4B}{20}
Text:
Since I never met her in person, I could never be sure if I really had a crush on Amber. But I was attracted to her, infatuated with her and had internally devoted myself to her. I vowed to meet her someday, when I could


GOID: {902A9691-F158-274E-3326-9088174D7D4B}{24}
Text:
At some point I told my parents about her so I could talk on the phone with her. We also talked on video chat over Skype at times. I verbally expressed my intention to meet her in person


GOID: {902A9691-F158-274E-3326-9088174D7D4B}{28}
Text:
Communication with Amber went silent in high school. No explanation. This lead me to deep depression, and prevented me from opening myself to other relationship opportunities. I was convinced that I needed to be faithful and wait for her. This was especially difficult as Amanda Reub came onto me pretty strong in high school, and triggered my first big crush. Meanwhile I had to refrain from doing anything about the crush, because of my devotion to Amber....


GOID: {902A9691-F158-274E-3326-9088174D7D4B}{44}
Text:
Amber and I somehow got in touch again around early 12th grade. I was disappointed to find that not only had she not waited for me, but she also got involved with drugs and alcohol. I was extremely upset that I wasted so much time waiting for her, just to find she'd moved on and chosen a life path I had no taste for.


# PageElementContents_content

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i i had had a a crush crush on on my my own own cousin cousin i i understood understood that that it it couldn't couldn't go go anywhere anywhere


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continued continued to to find find her her pretty pretty thru thru middle middle school school was was disappointed disappointed when when she she took took up up a a preppy preppy style style


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there there was was a a girl girl who who i i would would flirt flirt with with at at recess recess under under the the pile pile of of kids kids coats coats


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all all i i remember remember about about her her is is that that she she introduced introduced me me to to pinwheels pinwheels a a marshmallow marshmallow confection confection covered covered in in chocolate chocolate


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never never crushed crushed never never told told anyone anyone interest interest waned waned over over time time


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we we were were lite lite friends friends on on and and off off thru thru middle middle school school


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didn't didn't do do much much together together until until 8th 8th 9th 9th grade grade when when she she went went by by dani dani she she and and her her friend friend group group two two other other girls girls visited visited home home a a few few times times unannounced unannounced pretty pretty sure sure they they did did this this because because one one of of them them catherine catherine cat cat lim lim was was interested interested in in me me


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never never crushed crushed never never told told anyone anyone interest interest waned waned over over time time but but she she always always seemed seemed like like an an open open friendly friendly person person


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brunette brunette my my only only dark dark haired haired interest interest in in grade grade school school


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the the only only interaction interaction i i can can recall recall was was in in 8th 8th grade grade i i was was becoming becoming more more interested interested in in emo emo and and goth goth styles styles and and did did something something which which prompted prompted her her to to ask ask if if i i was was ok ok


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she she always always was was very very public public about about her her affection affection for for wyatt wyatt staffa staffa an an impressive impressive and and distinguished distinguished guy guy in in our our grade grade i i admired admired him him


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because because of of that that i i assumed assumed she she was was taken taken through through all all of of middle middle school school


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my my first first big big crush crush though though it it didn't didn't get get bad bad until until high high school school l l cover cover more more in in the the high high school school section section


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i i wasn't wasn't very very interested interested as as she she was was taller taller than than me me but but i i spent spent time time around around their their friend friend group group occasionally occasionally


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she she eventually eventually asked asked to to date date me me and and i i wasn't wasn't particularly particularly disinterested disinterested so so i i chose chose to to go go along along with with it it and and said said yes yes


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ultimately ultimately i i don't don't think think either either of of us us understood understood what what we we should should do do next next so so nothing nothing happened happened and and we we never never really really dated dated or or did did any any couples couples activities activities i i think think we we understood understood it it wouldn't wouldn't become become anything anything by by the the time time a a week week had had passed passed


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she she was was always always very very kind kind to to me me pretty pretty sure sure she she always always had had a a boyfriend boyfriend


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very very easygoing easygoing and and friendly friendly would would sit sit with with me me sometimes sometimes and and make make an an effort effort to to include include me me


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firmly firmly in in the the emo emo goth goth clique clique she she was was one one of of the the more more sophisticated sophisticated 9th 9th graders graders at at the the time time


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i i remembered remembered she she smoked smoked occasionally occasionally and and had had unusually unusually small small teeth teeth


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an an anomaly anomaly to to me me she she found found my my xanga xanga profile profile and and we we started started chatting chatting on on aim aim


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one one time time she she was was driving driving down down 127th 127th and and saw saw me me sitting sitting on on the the barrier barrier wall wall of of the the golf golf cart cart path path she she quickly quickly pulled pulled over over at at the the nearby nearby clubhouse clubhouse and and ran ran all all the the way way over over to to greet greet me me she she was was out out of of breath breath when when she she arrived arrived and and i i was was shocked shocked to to see see her her


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i i once once left left home home in in the the middle middle of of the the afternoon afternoon without without telling telling anyone anyone and and walked walked all all the the way way to to stef's stef's apartment apartment which which was was quite quite far far i i met met her her dad dad and and we we watched watched some some of of the the 5th 5th element element together together i i remember remember it it feeling feeling kind kind of of awkward awkward like like i i didn't didn't know know what what else else to to say say or or do do


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when when they they heard heard i i left left home home unannounced unannounced they they got got worried worried and and offered offered to to drive drive me me back back


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when when i i got got back back to to my my neighborhood neighborhood i i encountered encountered mom mom and and brian brian who who were were driving driving around around worried worried and and searching searching for for me me


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once once she she moved moved on on to to high high school school i i was was left left in in junior junior high high and and she she stopped stopped talking talking to to me me


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the the last last time time i i saw saw her her was was in in 9th 9th grade grade after after the the talent talent show show she she had had come come to to the the junior junior high high talent talent show show with with her her boyfriend boyfriend and and told told me me she she was was proud proud of of me me for for getting getting on on stage stage and and performing performing


c0Terms:
most most of of the the emo emo goth goth group group went went to to north north including including stef stef but but education education dictated dictated that that northwest northwest would would be be best best for for me me so so i i was was never never around around her her again again


c0Terms:
she she was was the the first first person person to to warm warm up up to to me me after after i i sequestered sequestered myself myself from from all all my my old old friends friends whom whom i i had had decided decided weren't weren't for for me me she she saw saw me me alone alone at at lunch lunch and and chose chose to to sit sit by by me me


c0Terms:
we we had had similar similar interests interests for for a a long long time time i i felt felt like like she she was was really really easy easy to to talk talk to to that that feeling feeling was was foreign foreign to to me me at at the the time time


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we we formed formed a a music music project project together together day day in in reignition reignition really really only only ever ever created created one one song song but but did did some some fun fun experimentation experimentation with with her her on on guitar guitar me me singing singing piano piano


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sometimes sometimes we we snuck snuck out out met met late late at at night night and and walked walked around around the the block block for for fun fun nothing nothing romantic romantic ever ever happened happened this this happened happened maybe maybe 2 nn2 3 nn3 times times


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we we played played in in the the 9th 9th grade grade talent talent show show together together she she came came away away from from the the show show so so nervous nervous and and dissatisfied dissatisfied i i could could never never understand understand why why


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in in late late 9th 9th grade grade she she told told me me she she had had just just recently recently been been raped raped outside outside a a nearby nearby park park at at night night she she made made me me promise promise not not to to tell tell anyone anyone i i felt felt terrible terrible that that i i wasn't wasn't there there for for her her and and couldn't couldn't do do anything anything to to help help


c0Terms:
sometime sometime later later i i think think she she felt felt that that i i was was interested interested in in her her so so she she chose chose to to tell tell me me that that she she wasn't wasn't interested interested in in men men she she was was in in love love with with a a friend friend of of hers hers who who recently recently moved moved away away i i was was saddened saddened as as i'd i'd hoped hoped we we could could become become closer closer friends friends someday someday i've i've always always wondered wondered if if she she changed changed because because of of her her rape rape experience experience


c0Terms:
we we met met occasionally occasionally thru thru high high school school i i remember remember thinking thinking she she was was as as easy easy to to talk talk to to as as ever ever


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one one time time in in high high school school i i walked walked to to her her house house at at night night and and left left a a flower flower by by her her car car tire tire she she later later acknowledged acknowledged that that she she saw saw it it had had nothing nothing else else to to say say


c0Terms:
we we met met up up again again at at community community college college where where her her middle middle school school crush crush and and her her had had met met up up once once again again the the 3 nn3 of of us us hung hung out out a a few few times times but but i i felt felt like like i i was was just just an an awkward awkward 3rd 3rd wheel wheel emelie emelie was was harder harder to to talk talk to to for for some some reason reason she she chose chose to to present present as as more more butch butch than than before before i i think think i i didn't didn't know know how how to to interact interact my my old old friend friend felt felt like like someone someone else else someone someone i i didn't didn't know know


c0Terms:
8th 8th thru thru 9th 9th grade grade contacted contacted again again briefly briefly in in 11th 11th or or 12th 12th grade grade


c0Terms:
met met online online in in furcadia furcadia a a 2d 2d game game about about socializing socializing and and creating creating gamelike gamelike dream dream worlds worlds


c0Terms:
we we had had a a small small friend friend group group in in this this game game and and grew grew close close over over text text chat chat in in time time we we roleplayed roleplayed intimate intimate couples couples activities activities though though never never all all the the way way


c0Terms:
eventually eventually we we decided decided we we liked liked each each other other enough enough that that we we chose chose to to share share personal personal info info and and photos photos we we happened happened to to be be the the same same age age and and one one of of the the people people in in the the online online friend friend group group was was also also amber's amber's irl irl friend friend jess jess we we felt felt like like great great friends friends for for the the 2 nn2 years years we we stayed stayed in in touch touch they they were were fun fun to to interact interact with with


c0Terms:
since since i i never never met met her her in in person person i i could could never never be be sure sure if if i i really really had had a a crush crush on on amber amber but but i i was was attracted attracted to to her her infatuated infatuated with with her her and and had had internally internally devoted devoted myself myself to to her her i i vowed vowed to to meet meet her her someday someday when when i i could could


c0Terms:
at at some some point point i i told told my my parents parents about about her her so so i i could could talk talk on on the the phone phone with with her her we we also also talked talked on on video video chat chat over over skype skype at at times times i i verbally verbally expressed expressed my my intention intention to to meet meet her her in in person person


c0Terms:
communication communication with with amber amber went went silent silent in in high high school school no no explanation explanation this this lead lead me me to to deep deep depression depression and and prevented prevented me me from from opening opening myself myself to to other other relationship relationship opportunities opportunities i i was was convinced convinced that that i i needed needed to to be be faithful faithful and and wait wait for for her her this this was was especially especially difficult difficult as as amanda amanda reub reub came came onto onto me me pretty pretty strong strong in in high high school school and and triggered triggered my my first first big big crush crush meanwhile meanwhile i i had had to to refrain refrain from from doing doing anything anything about about the the crush crush because because of of my my devotion devotion to to amber amber


c0Terms:
amber amber and and i i somehow somehow got got in in touch touch again again around around early early 12th 12th grade grade i i was was disappointed disappointed to to find find that that not not only only had had she she not not waited waited for for me me but but she she also also got got involved involved with with drugs drugs and and alcohol alcohol i i was was extremely extremely upset upset that that i i wasted wasted so so much much time time waiting waiting for for her her just just to to find find she'd she'd moved moved on on and and chosen chosen a a life life path path i i had had no no taste taste for for


