A Summary
Sunday, December 1, 2024
5:59 AM
Early childhood
Erin Guth
I had a crush on my own cousin. I understood that it couldn't go anywhere.
Brunette
Continued to find her pretty thru middle school. Was disappointed when she took up a "preppy" style
Grade School
???
First grade, Colorado
Blonde... I think?
There was a girl who I would flirt with at recess under the pile of kids' coats
All I remember about her is that she introduced me to "pinwheels," a marshmallow confection covered in chocolate.
Danielle Landwher
2nd thru 6th grade
Blonde
Prettiest girl my age, in my eyes
Never crushed, never told anyone. Interest waned over time.
Daniele Costanza
2nd thru 6th grade
Dirty blonde
We were "lite" friends on and off thru middle school
Didn't do much together until 8th & 9th grade, when she went by "Dani." She and her friend group - two other girls - visited home a few times unannounced. Pretty sure they did this because one of them, Catherine "Cat" Lim, was interested in me.
Never crushed, never told anyone. Interest waned over time, but she always seemed like an open, friendly person.
Megan(sp?) Tumberger
2nd thru 6th grade
Brunette. My only dark-haired interest in grade school
The only interaction I can recall was in 8th grade. I was becoming more interested in emo and goth styles, and did something which prompted her to ask if I was OK.
NC, NTA. IWOT.
Junior High
Amanda Reub
8th grade and on
Blonde
She always was very public about her affection for Wyatt Staffa, an impressive and distinguished guy in our grade. I admired him.
Because of that, I assumed she was taken through all of middle school.
My first BIG crush. Though it didn't get bad until high school. l cover more in the high school section
Taylar
A friend of Amanda's
Dirty blonde
I wasn't very interested as she was taller than me, but I spent time around their friend group occasionally.
She eventually asked to date me, and I wasn't particularly "disinterested," so I chose to go along with it and said yes.
Ultimately, I don't think either of us understood what we should do next, so nothing happened and we never really dated or did any couples activities. I think we understood it wouldn't become anything by the time a week had passed.
NC, NTA.
Rhonda
Late 8th thru 9th grade
Black hair
Part of the emo/goth clique
She was always very kind to me, pretty sure she always had a boyfriend
Very easygoing and friendly. Would sit with me sometimes and make an effort to include me
Went to a different high school
NC, NTA.
Stef
Late 8th grade
Black hair
Firmly in the emo/goth clique. She was one of the "more sophisticated" 9th graders at the time
I remembered she smoked occasionally and had unusually small teeth
An anomaly to me. She found my Xanga profile and we started chatting on AIM
One time, she was driving down 127th and saw me sitting on the barrier wall of the golf cart path. She quickly pulled over at the nearby clubhouse and ran all the way over to greet me. She was out of breath when she arrived, and I was shocked to see her.
I once left home in the middle of the afternoon without telling anyone, and walked all the way to Stef's apartment, which was quite far. I met her dad and we watched some of the 5th Element together. I remember it feeling kind of awkward, like I didn't know what else to say or do.
When they heard I left home unannounced, they got worried and offered to drive me back.
When I got back to my neighborhood, I encountered Mom and Brian who were driving around worried and searching for me.
Once she moved on to high school, I was left in junior high and she stopped talking to me.
The last time I saw her was in 9th grade, after the talent show. She had come to the junior high talent show with her boyfriend, and told me she was proud of me for getting on stage and performing.
Most of the emo/goth group went to North, including Stef. But education dictated that Northwest would be best for me. So I was never around her again.
NC, NTA.
Emelie
Late 8th grade thru 9th grade
Black hair
Never crushed, more of an infatuation
She was the first person to warm up to me after I sequestered myself from all my old "friends" whom I had decided weren't for me. She saw me alone at lunch and chose to sit by me.
We had similar interests. For a long time, I felt like she was really easy to talk to. That feeling was foreign to me at the time
We formed a music project together: "Day In Reignition." Really only ever created one song, but did some fun experimentation with her on guitar, me singing/piano
Sometimes we snuck out, met late at night and walked around the block for fun. Nothing "romantic" ever happened. This happened maybe 2-3 times.
We played in the 9th grade talent show together. She came away from the show so nervous and dissatisfied. I could never understand why
In late 9th grade, she told me she had just recently been raped outside a nearby park at night. She made me promise not to tell anyone. I felt terrible that I wasn't there for her, and couldn't do anything to help.
Sometime later, I think she felt that I was interested in her so she chose to tell me that she wasn't interested in men. She was in love with a friend of hers who recently moved away. I was saddened, as I'd hoped we could become closer friends someday. I've always wondered if she changed because of her rape experience.
We met occasionally thru high school. I remember thinking she was as easy to talk to as ever.
One time in high school, I walked to her house at night and left a flower by her car tire. She later acknowledged that she saw it, had nothing else to say.
We met up again at community college, where her middle school crush and her had met up once again. The 3 of us hung out a few times, but I felt like I was just an awkward 3rd wheel. Emelie was harder to talk to for some reason. She chose to present as more butch than before. I think I didn't know how to interact. My old friend felt like someone else, someone I didn't know.
NC
Amber
8th thru 9th grade... Contacted again briefly in 11th or 12th grade
Light brown hair
Met online in Furcadia, a 2D game about socializing and creating gamelike "dream" worlds
We had a small friend group in this game, and grew close over text chat. In time we roleplayed intimate couples activities, though never "all the way."
Eventually, we decided we liked each other enough that we chose to share personal info and photos. We happened to be the same age, and one of the people in the online friend group was also Amber's IRL friend Jess. We felt like great friends for the ~2 years we stayed in touch. They were fun to interact with
Since I never met her in person, I could never be sure if I really had a crush on Amber. But I was attracted to her, infatuated with her and had internally devoted myself to her. I vowed to meet her someday, when I could
At some point I told my parents about her so I could talk on the phone with her. We also talked on video chat over Skype at times. I verbally expressed my intention to meet her in person
Communication with Amber went silent in high school. No explanation. This lead me to deep depression, and prevented me from opening myself to other relationship opportunities. I was convinced that I needed to be faithful and wait for her. This was especially difficult as Amanda Reub came onto me pretty strong in high school, and triggered my first big crush. Meanwhile I had to refrain from doing anything about the crush, because of my devotion to Amber....
Amber and I somehow got in touch again around early 12th grade. I was disappointed to find that not only had she not waited for me, but she also got involved with drugs and alcohol. I was extremely upset that I wasted so much time waiting for her, just to find she'd moved on and chosen a life path I had no taste for.